Cleaning the Refrigerator

Well bachelors, spring is here and it's time to go into the refrigerator and throw out what's left of the Thanksgiving turkey. But why stop there? It's probably been a while since you've given the old refrigerator a good cleaning; probably since last spring. Or was it the spring before last? The best way to answer that question is to count turkeys. One turkey and it was last spring, two turkeys means the spring before last. Three or more turkeys and it's time to sell the refrigerator. You can probably get a pretty good price from your local police department's bomb squad. It shouldn't be difficult to convince them that all that stuff lining the inside will withstand the blast from any type of explosive short of a tactical nuclear weapon.

But let's assume the turkey count is two or fewer. In this case it is better to try to clean it yourself. New refrigerators are not cheap and you will only have to buy another one next year. Putting a little effort into recycling your current fridge will make the environment better for all of us.

At first you might be tempted to call in the local fire department and have them use one of their high pressure hoses on the inside of your refrigerator. While this will certainly clean it out, it only creates a worse problem. That is, everything that was once inside your refrigerator is now all over the kitchen. The fire department will be no help at this point. Even the most hardened veteran of the department has, by now, headed for the nearest decontamination center. And, it is much harder to sell a house in that condition than it is an old refrigerator. Believe me. So, you are just going to have to do it yourself.

The first problem you are going to encounter is deciding what to keep and what to throw away. There is a simple solution to this problem, use the same system you use for sorting your laundry. You can apply exactly the same criteria. If what's in your fridge looks like a piece of clothing that you no choice but to throw in the washer, you should toss it out. For example, you pull out an old cottage cheese container, open the lid and look inside. If it is green, fuzzy and smells like your feet, you should probably toss it out. Be aware that ANY earth color is a bad sign.

Now that you have everything cleared out it's time to go to work cleaning the inside. Just a few simple tools and household chemicals will make the job fast and easy. You will need a hammer and chisel, a blow torch, any brand of liquid drain cleaner, gasoline and matches and possibly a shotgun. Any real problem areas may need sandblasting, but should be avoided unless absolutely necessary since this is another case of making a bad situation worse.

You are now ready to put whatever you saved back into the refrigerator. If the project has taken you less than a day and a half and the house has been reasonably cool, feel free to return all the food items to the fridge. Anything that has been sitting out longer should be given the laundry test.

NEXT TIME: Cleaning the sofa; or why you really didn't need to buy all those new knives and forks.

George Breithaupt is an assistant photographer and copy editor for The Mount Vernon News. He is not even distantly related to anybody on the News editorial staff. No one actually remembers hiring him, for that matter. He is also a bachelor