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A Rude Awakening for the Grumpy Bachelor
This runs counter to my method, which I like to call intuitive. My choice of ingredients, cooking method and cooking time are all the result of a spur of the moment inner prompting. And while it succeeds more times then not, it doesn't do it often enough to be regarded as uncanny. Armed with this revelation, I decided to approach City Editor Pamela Henney about an idea for a column. We would use the kitchen in the News' lunch room and have the Grumpy Bachelor ACTUALLY FOLLOW A RECIPE. I walked over to Henney's desk and stood there for a few hours harrumphing. Finally she raised her head just enough for me to see the corners of her eyes, out of which she was looking at me. "Yes?" I told her my idea. "You've got a lot of nerve talking to me after last week's column" I excused myself and went over to the archives to see what I had written last week. ... Oh ... yeah. I walked back over to her desk. "OK, I won't mention you in my column this week." "it's a little late for that; you already have." I looked back over the last few sentences and had to admit that she was right. "OK, so I won't mention you NEXT week." "And ... ?" "AND the rest of the month." "that's better." she smiled, not realizing that next week was the last Friday of the month. "so, what are you going to cook?" I hadn't thought that far ahead. This column was not getting off to a good start. I am supposed to be doing something, that for me, is novel; planning ahead for a meal. And here I am just barely able to think one word ahead of my busily typing fingers. "Here's a little advice if you want it," offered Henney noticing the blank look on my face. "Get a cookbook, c-o-o-k-b- o-o-k. They have recipes, r-e-c-i-p-e-s in them. You can read, can't you? It's that easy." I wasn't going to admit that I can't read that well. If I was a better reader I would probably write a better column. What was I going to cook? A list of my favorite foods ran through my head. Well, not really foods but phone numbers of places like The Pizza Palace, Yik-Fat Chinese take-out, Wanda's Burgers, Mac's Burgers, Prince-of-Burgers (you've figured out by now that I can't mention the names of REAL companies haven't you?),Ring-a-ding Tacos, General Chicken, Bob's Pretty Good Pancakes and Montazuma's Revenge. I decided I needed some advice, so I went over to the desk of entertainment/business reporter and ace page designer, Fred Main. I stood at Fred's desk for a while harrumphing. Finally he raised his head just enough to show the corner of his mouth, out of which he spoke to me. "YES?" I explained my problem. "YOU'VE got a lot of nerve talking to me after last week's column!" "I didn't mention you last week," I protested. "Yeah, I know. You gonna do it this week?" "I hadn't planned on it," I said. "Well see if you can." I'll try, but I can't promise anything," I lied. "SO why are you asking me about bachelor recipes?" wondered Fred. "You were a bachelor once. I thought you might be some help on the subject." "Shhh! Not so loud. If you say "bachelor" my wife might think I was like YOU!" He had a point. Who would want to be like the Grumpy Bachelor? Not even I would want that. So I am stuck for a recipe. If anybody out there has one for the old
G.B. to experiment with, let me know. I'll try it right after I get through
cleaning the attic. NEXT WEEK: Great deals on one-way tickets to Argentina George Breithaupt is a photographer, copy editor and writer for the
Mount Vernon News. If we didn't need the first two we wouldn't
regret the third. |
I just got through reading an article that has me in
a cold sweat. It was written by an expert on cooking and it was based
on the presumption that most people who cook know what they are doing.
That is, they decide before hand what ingredients they are going to use,
how they are going to cook it and what the finished product is actually
going to be. These people take a recipe seriously.