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Greetings From The Planet Gnxrnrn Editor's Note: The
Grumpy Bachelor is on vacation this
week. Filling
in for him, as guest columnist
is Gzat Bzelgrx, Head Hindmost of the
Planet
Gnxrnrn. The regular Grumpy
Bachelor column will, unfortunately,
return
next week.
It is not without a small amount of pride that I say to you that the Planet Gnxrnrn is famous throughout the known universe as the producer of the finest molds in the galaxy! It is my duty as the Head Hindmost to be in charge of expeditions that roam the galaxy in search of new strains of mold. It was on one of these expeditions that the Fate of the Galaxy brought us in contact with the one known to humankind as the Grumpy Bachelor. Although we had scouted Earth several times in the past, we had not had any indication that it had any indigenous molds of any interest to us. We did find Earth useful as a place for shore leave and we have spent many a relaxing jirdot (ed. note: roughly equivalent to a fortnight.) mingling with the inhabitants of that part of Earth known as Greenwich Village. Imagine our surprise when on our last swing by the Earth, our moldtech mold indicator went smildoff (bananas). Our instruments homed in on the abode of the one we came to know as the Grumpy Bachelor. His living conditions put the mold mines of Mendrix to shame. Never had we encountered such a heady mixture of exotic molds! It had our heads in a grildix (uproar). We were amazed. Such horticultural wizardry, using nothing but a pile of old clothes. A hasty trade was made and we hurried his laundry pile back to Mendrix. Mold cultures were carefully taken and transferred to the Mendrix caves where they flourished unlike anything we have ever seen! In fact, once we were through extracting all relevant substances, we enshrined Friend Grumpy's clothes in the Mendrix Hall of Fame. It is unfortunate that the thermo-nuciear intensifier ray that we originally traded for the laundry pile turned out to be defective. So when we came back to transport Friend Grumpy to a hero's welcome and VIP tour of Mendrix, we brought with us a replacement gift. In our language it is called a Grillxmagz. It is a device that cures all diseases and, when the gyro field is reversed, cleans up environmental pollution. Friend Grumpy assures us that when he gets it put back together, he will present it to world authorities. Thank you again Earthlings, for your wonderful contribution to the people of Gnxrnrn. We hope you enjoy our gift.
NEXT WEEK: Cleaning the attic
Gzat Bzelgrx is the Head Hindmost of the Planet Gnxrnrn and a pretty doggone good writer. We are all checking our refrigerators to see if we might have something to entice him to do a regular column for us. Unless they know something about the theory of relativity that we don't, we figure that The Grumpy Bachelor won't return to Earth until the year 3699 so we might need a new columnist. |
Greetings Earthlings! My name
is Gzat Bzelgrx of the Planet
Gnxrnrn. I am most joyful to be here
filling
in for the Grumpy Bachelor,
First Friend of the Gnxian's Republic
of Gnxrnrn.
It is most pleasing to me that
I report to you that Mr. Bachelor is
spending
his vacation on the Planet
Gnxrnrn where he is being treated to a
VIP
tour of the mold mines of
Mendrix.