Putting Up The Xmas Tree

I never thought, in my younger days, that I would ever stoop to using an artificial Christmas tree. That was when I was young. I am 50 now and, while it isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be when I was 20; it's not nearly as good as I hoped it would be at 49.

Getting a tree from the closet sure beats traipsing through the cold woods (as when I was a mere lad) or even getting in a cold car and picking one out from a cold Christmas tree lot.

And besides, this tree was given to me by my friend Mikey. You may recall that Mikey is the one who helped me fix my old car by setting fire to the engine several months ago. You can bet the ranch that I am NOT going to ask him to help me put up the tree.

This was probably not the wisest decision because there are no instructions with the tree. And it looks like it has been stored under an old fuel oil tank in Mikey's attic. I don't think I have ever seen anything that looks less like a tree. Mikey's generosity is looking more self-serving by the second.

Pulling all the pieces out of the box helps a little. Here's what is probably a center pole and I recognize the tree stand. The pole goes into the stand and these other things are attached to the pole. The concept is easy, the details turn out to be a bit more difficult.

Luckily I do have some help; my cats Pogo and Churchy. I don't know what my life would be like without their help. They keep me from over sleeping, especially on Saturday and Sundays; they keep me from running through the house when the phone or doorbell rings and they are also good for about an inch of padding for this column.

In this case their help is invaluable; I know exactly which piece goes on the tree next because that is the one they are lying on. The whole thing is now starting to fit together nicely, and before I know it, all the pieces are used up. I stand back to admire my handiwork. Aside from the fact that the tree looks like it is having a bad hair day, it's not bad.

That brings us to step two: decorating the tree.

Next year: Decorating the tree.

George Breithaupt is a photographer and copy editor for the Mount Vernon News. He also writes a weekly column. The News regrets the error.