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The Grumpy Bachelor (NOTE: replacement for rejected column)
This is a special market niche that I think has not been spoken to. The bachelor's clothing requirements need special consideration that is not available in any other line of men's clothing. So without further ado, I present The Grumpy Bachelor Spring Collection. The fabric of choice for the discriminating bachelor this spring is Teflon. A Teflon coated fabric will save the bachelor on the run many hours of trying to get pizza stains out of a shirt using whatever little packets of wash-n-dry he can find under the front seat of his car. Teflon also comes in executive gray which should be popular with the bachelor who wants to get ahead. For those allergic to Teflon There will be a line of shirts and trousers in a variety of special colors which will include: spaghetti sauce madras, scotch and soda plaid, pizza polka dot. taco twill and cheese-puff orange. These are designed to be long- lasting items as they will require much less washing than normal clothing. They will also be available with a special optional line of bachelor cologne with names that cannot be mentioned in a family newspaper. For the bachelor cook there will be a special line of matching accessories. A dual purpose apron with pockets for hammers, nails and jars of steak sauce will be sold with a matching designer welder's mask for the backyard barbecue enthusiast. The apron will be made of a special heavy-duty canvas with pre-frayed edges, in an off-white, eggshell white with actual pieces of eggshell embedded in the fabric. An optional army surplus flame thrower will be available for the hungry bachelor in a hurry. The Grumpy Bachelor Spring Collection has not forgotten the bachelor beach bum. In a special deal with Woolworth's, The GBSC has purchased a final close-out selection of loud, over-sized trunks that would look silly even on Hulk Hogan; complete with 4 feet of hemp rope to avoid arrest on most public beaches. The crack Grumpy Bachelor
design team has taken a brief respite
in their
design duties, but as soon as
they sober up we will be announcing the
rest of the line. Next week:
Why the chicken crossed the road. George Breithaupt is a
photographer and copy editor for the
Mount
Vernon News. If we could
turn this into a disclaimer, we
would.
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These last
few days have brought a hint of the
coming
spring and has turned the
thoughts of the Grumpy Bachelor to his
latest
get rich quick scheme, The
Grumpy Bachelor's line of Spring
clothing for
bachelors.