The Grumpy University Catalogue
of Courses, Part 2

     When we last left the Grumpy Bachelor, he and several staff members of the GBICWWMM,L had met the new owner of the Halfmast Tavern when another shadowy figure appeared in the doorway. It was Dacy May the new bartender. Let's leave it at that and go on to something else!
      The Grumpy Bachelor, president of the Grumpy University announced today that more courses of study have been added to the curricula of the university. Thanks to the tireless efforts of new PR director, Mervin Q. Ferderber, the latest additions are now ready to be foisted upon an unsuspecting, not to mention unprepared world. Courses are listed by department, course title, instructor and dates and times classes meet. A short description of the courses follows.

"Prufreeding For Fun and PRofit and PRofit"
Instructor: Dacy May
Hours to be announced
    How to tend bar and proofread copy at the same time. Includes one class period with Mac Murphy as guest instructor on the topic of using the opinion page as a bar rag. Students will also learn theoretical punctuation and intuitive spelling techniques.

"A Bird's Eye View of the News"
Instructor: Mr. Kent
M W F or whenever the wind is right.
    Getting the low- down from high-up. Includes how to do traffic reports without a helicopter. Students must supply their own blue tights and red cape.

School of Sports and Physics

"Advanced Cheerleading Techniques"
Instructor: Prof. Thomas "Red" Ruffinsor.
Tonight, 9:30, Behind the barn
     Covers methods such as verbal abuse, threats, and live ammo to instill school spirit. Also covers ways to "walk off" injuries such as sprains, bruises and fractures.

"Advanced Sports Coverage: Lacrosse, Volleyball, Tennis. Rugby, Hockey and Soccer" Instructor: Grumbolt C. Ericson
Whenever and where ever he wants!
     Newest Grumpy U. Sports instructor covers use of interns to cover certain sports stories. Students should have a short attention span.

"Sports Medicine 101"
Instructor: West Sandusky Fred, PhD.
T F Sa 10:00 -- 10:15
Dr. Fred teaches his unique method of treating athlete's foot using small doses of TNT between the toes. Although this is a controversial treatment, Dr. Fred's record speaks for itself; 3 killed, 10 wounded, 35 missing, believed cured.

Computer Science/Home Ec

"Careers in Customer Service"
Instructor: Grumbolt C. Ericson
Days and times are posted on my office door. Go look it up, moron!
    Prof. Ericson covers several tried and true customer service/technical support techniques such as verbal abuse, ignorance and ennui. The professor also covers techniques to lower your I.Q. by 20 or more points, thus ensuring a successful career in customer service/technical support.

     Stay tuned for more additions to the Grumpy U. curricula. Remember our motto: "Ignorance is a terrible thing to waste."

Next week: I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

George Breithaupt is a photographer, writer, copy editor and chimney sweep for the Mount Vernon News.