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The Spring Collection Stumbles Along
The Grumpy Bachelor Spring collection, cornerstone of the Grumpy Bachelor International Cartel and World-Wide Mega- Monopoly, has been languishing for a couple of months. It's mostly because I have not had time to call a meeting of the design staff, although getting all their work-release schedules in sync was a big stumbling block, too. All, that is, except for Mac Murphy. Mac is free to roam, as it were, living the life of a free man, although not as free as he would like. Mac is the GBICWWMM,L's resident conservative. Ultra- ultra conservative might be a better description considering that he refers to the John Birch Society as "that running dog lackey of the forces of Godless socialism." But that's from where he stands. Personally I wouldn't go quite that far. Anyway, he keeps himself busy with a little design work on the Spring Collection and his campaign to have eyeglasses declared unconstitutional. This last item causes no little tension in our staff meetings, since it runs counter to my efforts to have all eyeglasses licensed with a two week waiting period for background checks. So the staff meeting was just going to be Mac, me and Miss Penny who was standing in for Magillicuddy while she redecorated the Halfmast Tavern. The Halfmast suffered some minor damage after Cujo Mike found an old match lying on the floor. As Cujo is fond of saying, "It's nothing to get a fire started, the trick is to give it a life of it's own." The first order of business was to welcome our newest design-team member, Mr. Kent, as he prefers to be called. Mr. Kent's full-time occupation is mild mannered reporter on the local newspaper. He is so mild he makes Cujo seem like a blabber mouth. One of Mr. Kent's duties at the paper is to monitor the police scanner. Strange thing about that is whenever a report comes across of a crime in progress, Mr. Kent turns off the scanner and inquires of whoever's handy about the location of the nearest phone booth. Since this seems to be the extent of Mr. Kent's life, it was agreed by all that he was the perfect candidate to join the GBICWWMM,L's Spring Collection design team. He told us he had some ideas for capes. We weren't really thinking of adding capes to the line but figured we could re- sew them into Bermuda shorts if they don't sell. So there the four of us sat in the kitch ... uh ...world headquarters of the GBICWWMM,L fully expecting to approve a few more designs for the Spring Collection. Little did we know that unforseen events would put the fate of, not only the Spring Collection, but the entire population of the Free World in our hot little hands. NEXT WEEK: Cleaning the attic George Breithaupt is a photographer, copy editor and weakly columnist for the Mount Vernon News. "Cleaning the attic" our foot! We'll tell you what's going to happen next week! Next week we are going to let a hamster run across the Grumpy Bachelor's keyboard and see if that's any better. The early money in the office pool is on the hamster.
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